TL;DR
Reflecting on the year 2023, the writer explores themes of ambition, gratitude, perspective, and values. Drawing inspiration from literature, philosophy, and personal experiences, the reflection encourages self-awareness, gratitude cultivation, perspective broadening, and the importance of a tight inner circle in relationships. The writer shares lessons learned and offers practical advice for personal growth and fulfillment.
Because an unexamined life is not worth living, I look back at the just-ended year (like I did at the end of 2022), and draw lessons for the next. I also share my the best music, movies, and books that I came across in 2023.
1. The price of ambition is tragedy.
One of my favourite plays is William Shakespeare’s Macbeth. I think it is a wonderfully written play that deals with a subject that is inseparable from human nature: ambition. I joked with a friend very recently that you could summarise Macbeth as the story of a good man who gets convinced that he will become great, and then in committing to do anything to fulfil what he believes is become his divine right, ultimately destroys himself.
Well, even if you think yourself in better moral standing than Macbeth, and trust your ability to heroically guard your morals in the face of a prophesied greatness, the world often has tragedy for your ambition. One certain way in which ambition could destroy you is that the increased sense of urgency it brings along causes you to throw your moral compass out the window. The other obvious, but less discussed way, is that the very nature of pursuing one’s ambition puts one at odds with numerous forces that operate in the same world.
Aristotle cautioned us on the idea that the only way to avoid criticism was to be nothing, to say nothing, and to do nothing; something like that. Take that idea, and the realisation that pursuing one’s ambition means taking a series of risky bets, and we can expand Aristotle’s idea of avoiding criticism to say that the only way to guarantee no tragedy is to want nothing, to want to be nobody and to do nothing.
The very act of going out into the world and trying to be something is in and of itself the act of setting ourselves up for a tragic event, fall, or even fatal catastrophe. In the same manner that a meteor cannot crash into the earth if it does not exist on-high and only a tree that is standing tall risks being uprooted by the wind, the desire to assert oneself is the creation of the prospect of tragedy. To the extent that you are continuously interacting with the world and trying to have a vision realised, you are creating opportunities for things to go wrong. Even if you chose to live a life of nothingness, that ambition to life in itself creates the possibility of death. I struggle to see how any ambition, however nobel, evades the possibility of tragedy.
What is the measured response to this realisation?
I would like to think that my lesson, as I have experienced in the past year has been the paramount need of constructing an impenetrable inner citadel, a personal fortress of character that has a dual purpose of steering us towards the ethical in our daily lives and dissociating tragedy from our perception of self and self-worth. I realise that if I do what is right and hold myself to a standard I am proud of, what happens as a result of me pursuing my dreams and ambitions, however tragic, is simply what happens and has no bearing on my being and my value.
2. Gratitude is a must.
If you are anything like me, gratitude is not something that comes handy to you. I have a theory on why it doesn’t; we simply do not seek it. Gratitude is not like the aroma of delicious food that invades our lives and takes our hearts captive, she is, for want of a better comparison, like a lover that must be intentionally wooed and pursued in earnest; you could call it the pursuit of gratitude.
Gratitude is also not a destination that will be reached once we achieve a couple of things. You will not automatically become grateful when you buy that dream car or get that dream job. Gratitude is a way of life, and a good one at that, for it tempers our desires and prevents us from jumping off the cliff of greed into our Macbethan eras.
In 1897, a minister named Johnson Oatman, Jr wrote the now famous hymn “Count your blessings”. While the theological intention behind the hymn may be broader than my rather shallow and foolhardy interpretation, I think the title in itself makes a case in point; we must sit down, humbly and sometimes under compulsion like the children as they learn to count, and bring our minds to bear on the things that deserve gratitude. The old people certainly knew a thing about life, didn’t they?
I must share with a deep sense of humility that the year 2023 has been an amazing one for me in every sense. In triumph I have learned the emptiness of everything and the need for a wholesome inner citadel, and in misfortune I have had the chance to test my strength and resolve, and to build character. I did, however, struggle with gratitude and it was only in the last quarter of the year that I committed to actively pursuing her. She did not disappoint, and bringing her into my life made me a happy person.
What is the recipe for gratitude? Much as I want to know, I don’t think I do. I do know, however, that it starts from sitting down with pen and paper, blocking out time, and forcing yourself to write five, ten, twenty things that one is grateful for. The more frequently the better. The point in being grateful is to prevent our overarching greed from becoming our dominant world-view and nothing could be more effective than a simple process that is not in itself a burden.
3. Perspective: Changes everything.
Yes, I will say it again, perspective changes everything. Do you want to understand why people (and that includes you) make the type of decisions they make, live certain types of lives and desire the things they desire? Check their perspective.
In 2023, I have become convinced that an investment that broadens perspective has already brought convincing returns. I use the word broadens cautiously here, because no perspective is inherently good or bad, and much to our chagrin we nonetheless have a perspective that can only be validated or disqualified by exposing it to the test of broader perspectives.
Alright, I feel like a high priest after typing all of that mumbo jumbo. Does it make sense to you? Alright, let me make it easier by using an analogy about careers. I stumbled over a research paper that found children of Doctors are 24 times more likely than other children to end up in the medical profession. Why? Perspective. Our perspective defines our world-view and shapes everything from our dreams and aspirations to the way we conduct ourselves on a day-to-day basis.
How do we broaden our perspectives? Again, no simple answers. Maybe one brief and good enough answer could be increasing exposure to new things; meet new people, talk to strange people, don’t get too comfortable, go somewhere new, try something different, move to a different city etc. It goes without saying that all this means nothing if you do not add a huge amount of introspection to these. I would like to assume, however, that if you have read this far you are most likely an introspective person so just keep on. 2023 is perhaps the year I have revised the largest number of deep-seated beliefs, and trust me, if I mentioned some of them, you will have a great laugh at my expense. One for example, has been my old cynicism about mentorship. I thought at the start of the year that a mentor was supposed to teach you something and the interaction was supposed to be a knowledge acquisition experience. The way I saw it, I could have all the knowledge on the internet, and all I needed was discipline. Then somewhere along the line, my perspective changed, mentorship was about humility, ability and the ability to listen. I went for it, and trust me, that is perhaps one of the greatest things that happened to me this year.
Starting earlier this year and hopefully into all my other years, the question of how experiences or decisions can broaden my perspective will be a chief consideration. Perhaps it is more the adventurous, avid-learner in me that is rebranding as a perspective-seeker. How am I gonna know? 🙂.
4. Seek clarity on your values.
If someone had asked me what was important to me at the start of 2023, I would have had a list that looks almost nothing like the one I will compile today. I didn’t even know the things that were important to me then, I was only a rolling ball.
You see those sessions you attend and the speaker asks you to take out a piece of paper and write your top five values? You most likely quip at the hidden thought that this is a decade’s old activity that has neither practicality nor purpose. That is terrible for you! Get the paper out and write them down. After what may be more than a dozen attempts at thinking about such trivial things, you will gain some clarity that can simplify your life enormously and fast-track your ability to build a happy and meaningful life.
The Temple of Apollo at Delphi has inscribed the maxim, “Know thyself”. Very simple. If you have ever tried, though, you know that you could take a lifetime trying to know yourself and still surprise yourself at the next turn. And yet, the quality of your life is arguably linked to how well you know yourself and your values. What is important for you, what drives you, what do you want to live for, what does a good life look like for you? Very simple questions for which the accuracy of our responses can be improved by doing the rather simple activities the speakers we find boring suggest at every other conference or workshop.
Do not let the veil of simplicity and unsophistication blind you of meaning.
Our culture is in love with sophistication. Some associate sophistication with hardwork and effort, but I am starting to think that it is a sign of a certain kind of laziness. We find true introspection boring, so we keep googling for a magic test that will reveal to us what drives us and who we truly are. We cannot stand a minute with ourselves, as we are, so we fill our lives with all these things that make us look sophisticated and frees us of ourselves.
But if you will find what your values are, as it were, you will need to return to the basics. Get out the pen and paper and write out what seems important to you today, do that tomorrow and the day after, notice patterns and or disparities between what you say and what you do, and learn to observe yourself from the outside.
In 2023, as I learned more about my values and the type of life I wanted, I realised how much more I could be doing to make my life what I will be pleased with. As values can change with time and more clarity never hurt anyone who cares so much, my lesson from 2023 is to keep trying to understand my values and belief systems, to seek more clarity on the type of life I want for myself, and then to be proactive about making that a reality.
5. Keep that inner circle tight!
Perhaps 2023 was my year of cynicism, but as the year comes to an end, I am convinced that if you use the word friend more than acquaintance then something is wrong. The truth is, the word friend is a weighty word, and while we use it casually to engender certain feelings in people, the continued use of the word is an excellent building block for delusional relationships and botched expectations. Reserve the word friend for people who actually deserve it, and keep that inner circle tight.
Why should your inner circle be tight, isn’t it good to always have more?
Well yes, and no. By inner circle, I mean friends, but by all means have many acquaintances. Just don’t give people so much power over your life by calling and treating them like friends. That also applies to you; don’t go about expecting others treat you as friends, expect the treatment due an acquaintance and only that of a friend when it is mutually earned expectation.
The Best things of 2023
Where I share the books, music, and movies that I really loved in 2023.
Books
- The Creative Act: A Way of Being, by Rick Rubin
- American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer, by Kai Bird and Martin J. Sherwin
- The Age of AI: And Our Human Future, by Henry A Kissinger, Eric Schmidt and Daniel Huttenlocher
Music
- Andante festivo for Strings and Timpani, by Jean Sibelius, Lahti Symphony Orchestra, Osmo Vänskä
- Mass in F minor - Anton Bruckner, by Orchestre des Champs-Élysées, Philippe Herreweghe
- YAKOYO, by Tommy WÁ
Movies
- Oppenheimer, directed by Christopher Nolan
- Patton, directed by Franklin J. Schaffner
- They Shall Never Grow Old, directed by Peter Jackson
Favourite quote
“Imagine a flower in an open meadow. Now take the same flower and slip it into the barrel of a rifle. Or place it on a gravestone. Notice in each case how you feel. The significance changes. In new surroundings, the same object can take on considerably different meanings. The context changes the content.”
Rick Rubin - The Creative Act: A Way of Being
Happy new year!